the beauty of a bad day

I woke up yesterday morning to the cat puking on the bed. I took it as a sign it was going to be one of those days.

My oldest refuses to write any math problem down and work through it on paper because he doesn't like to "write numbers". So instead he works through multi-step problems in his head. But he hardly gets through the first step before he's got all those numbers jumbled up and tangled, and the answer comes out wrong.

"Why don't you write the problem down and work through it on paper?" I suggest for the eighteenth time that week.

"I like doing them in my head just fine," he says.

"But your answer is always wrong. It's too many steps for you to do mentally right now."

Blank stare from him, coupled with a total shutdown.

Great.

My youngest and I are reading Robin Hood together, switching off every other page. On my page, I read the name Friar Tuck at least a half dozen times. When it's his turn, he s-t-r-u-g-g-l-e-s to pronounce that same mysterious name as Frying Truck.

"Are you paying attention to the pages that I'm reading?" I ask. "Isn't the story kind of hard to follow if you're only listening to the half you're reading?"

Blank stare.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

It's simple things like this, paired with not enough sleep (me) and the constant cry of I'm starving (growing boys), that might send a Mama right to the edge. Sprinkle in a few nitpicky sibling squabbles, and the whatever that's tossed back you when you inform them not everything in school can be related to War, and you've got a Mama who's fallen right over the cliff. Dump in trying to make a grocery list to fit with what's left in the checkbook, wondering why the chickens aren't laying again, and do you think we'll find somewhere to move before Christmas?...well, you get the picture.

Sigh.

Sometimes I wonder if my kids get anything out of what we do. I'm hit with these giant waves of Doubt that suck out all my self-confidence and make me wonder why it looks so easy for everyone else. Why is everyone else having fun? Why is everyone else on this peace-love-and-happiness journey while at my house we're stuck in the land of If-it-doesn't-have-anything-to-do-with-Legos, I-don't-have-time, Mom.

Of course, I know that's not true. Most of our days aren't like this. And everyone who homeschools has rough days. Everyone sets out on this journey of homeschooling hoping for smooth sailing, but has weeks where they're suffering from terrible road rash. That's why I think we have a responsibility as bloggers, writers, and just plain homeschoolers to talk about those bad days. To let people know we have them, too. Its good to be transparent, like the posts here and here.

Days around our house are not always adventure-filled and amazing with everyone getting along and loving life. Some days are quite the opposite. And if you've been homeschooling longer than a day, I know you know what I mean.

But there is beauty in a bad day. The beauty is realizing that because our good days are so very good, our bad days can seem that much worse. And that makes me proud of our good days.

The beauty is that in a bad day, we can call/email/text our friend and tell her we feel like the worst homeschooling mom ever, and she will assure us that no, we are indeed not.

The beauty in a bad day is that we can turn off the light, crawl into bed, and start anew the next day. Which is exactly what I did last night.

I'm hoping for a better day today. :)